Quality of Life

Now that we're all "adults" and have to fend for ourselves in the "real world", I was thinking about the American Dream and what opportunities are available for people like us. I address you guys since we had fairly similar upbringings.

As far as I can tell, all of us did what was expected of us by our parents, teachers, and mentors. We studied hard, mostly stayed out of trouble (or avoided Johnny Law at least), did fine in college, and maybe even pursued additional education/credentials. Growing up, I think there was the assumption that if we jumped through those hoops, we would be "entitled" to some job security, summer holidays, the picket fence, station wagon + 2.5 kids, and comfortable retirement. Maybe some of us expected to conquer the world and have the mansion, stock options, and Benz, but at minimum I think we considered ourselves middle class. But I guess that is really an antiquated myth and nothing is guaranteed. I mean... I know we weren't Paris Hilton, but we grew up mostly without want or worry. Our parents provided for us and we hit the real world with a lot of advantages vs. other people. It's not like we're recent immigrants having to battle culture shock, language barrier, green card paperwork, and support relatives back home.

But for most of us, rent is kicking our ass (and it's not like we live luxuriously; many of us in old, small apts or just renting a room) and saving is pretty hard considering the rising costs of basic living essentials, car/student loan payments, etc. Maybe we can move farther away for cheaper rent, but then commute is a killer. We come home fairly drained, maybe getting a simple meal together and watching TV for a bit before bed and repeating the cycle. Maybe some of us have to study at night or attend evening classes to try to better our situations. I can't imagine how much time proper parenting would require on top of our current commitments. I know we're lucky that we don't have to work 3 minimum-wage jobs to even hope to make ends meet, but that's what education supposedly bought us - though what has it really gotten us so far? I know we're still young and our earning power will increase with time, but really - do you expect your salaries to increase 10% annually and get promoted on a regular basis, without some major luck, achievements, or extra education? Some white-collar salaries aren't even keeping up with inflation, even though worker productivity and business efficiency have steadily climbed since the 1980's. Though operating costs and employee benefits have also become much more expensive.

Our career counselors in high school basically told us to find something we enjoy, study that in college, and we'll be fine. Great in theory. But if we don't have a medical degree, JD, software engineer, or MBA/finance, how the heck are we supposed to save up a nest egg for a small house or even a condo ($500,000+ in some parts of the US), and future tuition for our kids (probably will be 50% higher than our day)? Some of our high-achieving friends already have homes and nice cars, but it's not easy street for professionals either; they have huge school debt and may work grueling hours to earn the bucks (they don't throw money at you for nothing). And the extra time/stress you need for higher degrees takes away from your personal life, and you may not even be able to start thinking about spouse/family until you're balding and need Viagra. There isn't enough time for everything. Many scientists and engineers don't make great money either, unless they have 10 years experience or become managers (it also depends a lot on Wall St. and the company/institution you decide to peg your future to). I guess some of us may happen to excel in a niche talent (dunk a basketball, entertainment, art, etc.), so we can be well compensated for a more recreational career. Of course I'm being cynical, and plenty of people make a good living in other jobs like accounting or retail. Even less-educated folks can do well in construction, real estate, etc. But it's a riskier proposition, and many more fail than succeed.

Like those "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" books, I guess we can't count on salary to provide for us and our loved ones. The theory goes that we should invest in real estate, bonds, and the market too, but when do we have the time to learn those skills or the capital necessary for substantial investing? Instead we have to place our money and trust with a corrupt mutual fund manager and pay the annual "account maintenance fee", even if we're losing money. Plus plenty of people lose their shirts playing with fire and not knowing what they're doing. Or others just get lucky with high-risk speculation, or being at Google at the right time (but how many other startups failed and their millions of options worth zilch?). Then there are those who were honest and worked hard, yet saw their 401(k)'s dissolve at Enron or Worldcom. The Baby Boomers in CA were so lucky and saw the Dow quadruple and home prices rise 3X during their mid-to-late careers when they actually had job security and money to invest. No wonder why all of our folks are getting their homes remodeled, buying luxury cars, and taking more vacations now. Well, they earned it. Though I doubt any of us are expecting the Dow to similarly reach 48,000 and homes to appreciate so much in our lifetimes.

The frustrating part is I hate thinking about all this money and job stuff, but we almost have no choice. If you're not improving, you're falling behind (or so it feels). I just want to be left alone and make an honest living not beholden to anything or anyone (isn't that freedom and liberty?). I was this close to living in a hut in Africa for F sakes. I still wear clothes from the '90s, and I LIKE it that way. I don't need much. Unfortunately I wasted a lot of money after my dad died, as an immature, self-destructive way of dealing with my grief, which I regret a lot. I also spent too much on my wedding, but my excuse was the missus had expensive tastes haha. However, now I would like a small, safe 2BR/2BA cottage a decent distance from work, with a small garden and a dog running around. So far, I can only afford that in East Palo Alto or the bad part of Oakland/Hayward (which are not close to work either). I would like to provide for my wife so maybe she doesn't have to work full time if she doesn't want to, or maybe can raise our kids instead of relying on the TV babysitter. I would like to pursue side interests and do other things with my life besides work, eat, and sleep. Most days I just put my head down and get through it, but I guess I felt like venting now. I know I am just being a whining baby and should sack it up like everyone else (plus I don't have it that bad), but I bet you guys feel similarly sometimes. Our lives have challenges, but it could be a lot worse. Though we supposedly did "everything right" in our childhoods and now we are supposed to reap the rewards of a more comfortable adult existence, right? But one challenge just seems to lead to a new, larger one.

So I really wish someone would have better prepared us for this reality. I guess there's no way a suburban parent or underpaid public employee could have predicted $5 gas and the effects of globalization when we were kids, but still. Or maybe you guys knew it all along and I was the only naive one? I almost wish someone told us to forget about finding a job that we like and just get proficient at boring, marketable skills. Now I understand why my doctor relatives force their kids to go to medical school (if they can get accepted), because they think it gives them a good shot at a better life over most other careers (though it takes a lot of sacrifice too). I guess it seems that we don't have access to the time or resources that we thought we would as part of the white-collar middle class existence. Our American existence is greedier, more expensive, more complicated, faster, and more unstable than when we were in high school, and the trend won't reverse any time soon. And we're not even at the point yet when a sibling may get in deep debt, we have to care for our kids AND aging parents, and we're always one car accident or medical crisis away from fiancial ruin. We also have our own retirements to worry about. Well, somehow in Western Europe most "common folk" like us get paid less in their jobs, yet enjoy free or very cheap health care/university/pension, more vacation and a higher quality of life. Their societies aren't falling apart and their companies aren't kaput either.

All in all, I'd hope that we're happy and comfortable with our living situations. I know many people have it much harder than us. But supposedly we did everything "right" in our youth and got a head start in the rat race. I am sure many of our parents were able to afford a mortgage for a small home after 5 years of working or so. I don't think that will be the case for us, though of course the world is very different now. Work sucks, but I guess there are some redeeming and enjoyable aspects of it. And once in a while, we can save up for a vacation or new toy. But is that all there is to it?