Growing up

Regarding aging, it's too bad that people on the post-graduate education route need to devote so many years (and money) towards that cause, while not really being able to set down roots due to student loan repayments, less-than-secure employment, high cost of housing, etc. So when all is said and done, people are almost "starting adult life" at 30, when a generation ago they would have 2 kids and the white picket fence by then. And for those who want a family these days (I'm still on the fence, but my wife wants kids, so I guess it would be selfish of me to deprive her of that), they have to navigate that social maze while also working long hours as a junior-level employee hoping to advance. There just doesn't seem to be enough time for all the stuff that adults said we were entitiled to growing up. And like your friend working for the foreign service in Asia, I think there are many really interesting, rewarding international jobs out there where one could learn a lot and grow as a person, but it seems fairly incompatible with relationships/family. Plus our parents are getting older and we may need to support them more and more with our time and resources.

So I guess I am feeling some trepidation about the future after all, and how to balance these various commitments and choices. After visiting some friends in France/Holland recently, and seeing how their way of life is becoming more and more "American" (i.e. competitive, stressful, hurried, individualistic, unhealthy), I can't help but feel a bit sad. Their postwar governments and companies made strong efforts to maintain a decent quality of life for people (immigrants and the poor still falling through the cracks of course) through universal health care, generous unemployment insurance, free or heavily subsidized child care and university, as well as the 35-hour week and 5 weeks vacation. Maybe such a paradigm is foolish and unsustainable in the cost-cutting globalized economy, but I respect them for trying. It's not like Europe is Utopia, but their health and happiness metrics are higher than ours, even though they are less rich by some measures.

All the young American parents I know are stressed as hell. I am not sure if your relatives and circle of friends are the same. I know they say their kids give them so much joy (would any parent admit that they regret having kids though?), but they're always running around, behind on work, mostly eating fast food, and getting ill more often. They don't follow the news much and seem "out of touch". I know it's just qualitative and anecdotal, but their bodies look worn and their lives seem to revolve around kid stuff (like they don't do their hobbies anymore, and if they are lucky enough to have a night out to the cinema, it's to see "Finding Nemo"). I think parents should spend a lot of time with their kids of course, but maybe more balance is healthier? Of course if we had to work less, and wasted less time in traffic or at the mall, there would be more time for recreation and self-maintenance. And then there are those freaky "super-parents" who run 5 miles a day, have great, well-behaved kids, and kick butt at their jobs. Maybe it's the cocaine! But seriously, it's a sad reflection on our society that moms are a surprisingly prominent demographic for meth use. There's just too much for them to do to be "good moms", trying to live up to the impossible expectations that the jerks in media, marketing, etc. place on women.

I don't know. There are many ways to live life happily, and it's not required for everyone to have kids (actually if we did, it would be really bad for the Earth). Many people find great satisfaction with their spouses, jobs, or life callings and that seems to be enough. I just know that I will never love my job on my current path, and probably jobs I could love are now out of reach due to my life choices. Lauren and I just adopted a dog, and I think my plate is plenty full with taking care of the dog, condo, and trying to be a good husband/son. I am sure you, Mark, and most everyone else feels pressed for time too. I guess I am mostly content with my life at present, but I am not thrilled with the possible paths ahead of me.