I know before we discussed the merits and pitfalls of obsessive, micromanaging "Tiger" or "helicopter" parents in the US, but here is the opposite extreme: the "laissez-faire" French method. I have never been a parent, but the French method seems likely to reduce overall family stress with little to no harm to the kid (and in fact may teach beneficial habits like patience, self-control, and self-sufficiency). But in general, the kids are not the center of the family, they are the "supporting cast." The couples' marriage is still the top priority. So the adults may maintain higher satisfaction, and the kids are less likely to become egocentric, spoiled brats. They learn that when they cry or mess up, there aren't frantic, doting parents/grandparents immediately racing to their aid. I guess Americans fear that if they don't come running, their kid will end up scarred for life, or they look like negligent deadbeats? And despite all this attention, the kid will probably resent, rebel, and drift apart later anyway, whereas French kids grow up and happily continue to spend time with their parents. Of course these are all generalizations, and no one knows how much parenting techniques actually affect a child's future.
Of course there is a spectrum of behaviors, but the French model is not about being "perfect parents" to give their "precious darlings" every possible joy and opportunity in life. That's impossible anyway, so why run yourself ragged trying? French parents are not obsessed with consuming "parenting paraphernalia," nutrition, and tutoring, yet French kids end up better educated, more law-abiding, and healthier than Americans on average (and middle-class birth rates are higher in France). Of course French society is a lot more mature and adult-centric than ours, and there are many more social services available to make parenting easier on the French. So for Americans, our gov't provides very little help, and our parents put more pressure on themselves to engage in nonstop parenting, so it's a recipe for disaster. Also, schools in France are for education, not for babysitting and learning bad social habits, like they are here.
Another difference is how self-expression is encouraged/managed. Americans, despite being micromanaging, also tend to go easy on the discipline and limits, for fear of damaging self-esteem, creativity, or something. I guess that's why we always hear at the malls, "Mommy I want, I want, I want!" But what is the value of a creative, confident, expressive kid who expects a level of attention that is probably impossible to sustain when they're older? The French philosophy is that unreasonable desire leads to an unhappy and imbalanced kid, so they need to learn limits or that will hurt their self-esteem, creativity, etc. 2 means to the same end I guess. Boredom is also a tolerated and even encouraged part of childhood. Instead of staring at a screen or having an adult entertain them 24-7, maybe kids should learn to sit quiety and imagine/contemplate the world.
A caller on the program: "American parents think their little darlings are gifts to the world, and expect that the rest of us should adore them too." That's probably some sort of psychosis associated with the parents' own inferiority and vicarious ego issues, as well as our cultural values.
FYI, British parenting resembles the American model more than the French
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